Month: October 2013

feeling blue

It is no surprise to any of you who have actually interacted with me in real life that I my natural mood tends to melancholy probably more than is healthy. The radius of good news around me is a few minutes while the radius of not-good news, including news that isn’t overwhelmingly positive, is months. For example, I’ll have three short stories coming out before Christmas in three separate journals: red kitty zine, The Rusty Toque, and The Puritan. This should be cause for at least an hour of feeling grand but instead, all I can focus on is how much Come From Away is dragging me down. I can’t even conceive that I should be at least thinking about thinking about this story any longer. Except I have to since it is the story I am working on for my Humber course.

I should have picked the unfinished story about the faeries instead for my course is what I think when I am laying in my bed at three in the morning trying to rework entire sections in my head so that my mentor doesn’t think I am a slobby writer.

I didn’t drive a car for eleven years because driving caused so much anxiety to me. Similarly, if I could, I would just forget Come From Away. I would convert it to an ePub and have a pay-what-you-want for it and there’d be a little link in the sidebar over there and maybe I’d make two or three dollars from my relatives feeling sorry for me. Instead, I am sitting here trying to think about whether I want to just quit. If we’re going to talk about things I am good at, I am very good at quitting. I quit academia. I quit government. Maybe I should quit longer story writing.

I like writing short stories. I feel I am better than average at it. I have a story idea about someone who gives out non-compliance tickets for time travelers and his name is Antrim Nec. Doesn’t that sound more intriguing than whatever Come From Away is devolving into?

Sometimes things are broken. I have a commitment to the end of this course, then I think Come From Away is going to be junked and I’ll try to frame it in my head that this is a learning experience and I am learning but really, it is cold out and I have to wear a winter jacket and really, I just don’t want to think about these rambling words any longer.

tolstoied and etc.


books

So I clearly missed the October 1st deadline because I read a chapter, then I go and read other books, but I am half way done War and Peace. I am in a very dull What is Napolean doing section right now, but hopefully soon people will start blowing cannons at each other or sleeping around and the whole thing will pick right back up. I’m guessing it would go faster if I sat down and read straight through except I keep getting books out of the library that have to go back and I keep getting Tolstoy overload when I spend too long with all those crazy Russians.


netflix

Finally finished all five season of Mad Men that are on Netflix. Now I need a new show to watch while I eat lunch. Recommendations away if you have any.

contest update

On Friday I told you that I was in contention for a writing contest. Well…..

I did not win.

But I am a runner-up and my story will be published as such, so it is almost as good as winning, except for the not-winning part and the prize of books and money that I am not receiving. But runner-up – still yay! Four years ago when I switched from math to writing, I never thought I’d even ever be good enough to publish, and here I am almost winning a contest. Bonus – the story that will be published is an odd length (approx ten thousand words) that is hard to find homes for and my story found a home, so lots of little bits of happiness around.

So, stay further tuned. I will update further with links when published, but the basic info is as such: my story Darién Gap will be in the upcoming issue of The Puritan! <--exclamation mark mine, not part of the journal title.

Reading Around the World – Austria

Austria: The Quiet Twin by Dan Vyleta

Thoughts: I read this because of the National Post review of the continuation (which still isn’t in the New Brunswick Library System. It is hard to keep to my no new books oath when the library doesn’t have the books I want to read.) So The Quiet Twin is kind of a mystery novel but not really and it’s kind of a book about Nazis but also not really. It’s a book that’s really good to read when there are no other distractions so not on a weekend when it is just me and Tesfa all weekend long and every five seconds she has to tell me something new about My Little Pony or ask about her two night-time sisters Strawberry and Pumpernickel (we had a long car ride last weekend and I told her that she has two sisters that only come out at night named Strawberry and Pumpernickel and at Strawberry and Pumpernickel’s birthday party, they had a unicorn and now Tesfa isn’t quite sure if I’m making it up but she doesn’t one hundred percent not believe me either.) I got really pulled in, then I got annoyed, then pulled in again, and then a bit annoyed again by the end because of the kind of/not really mystery novel and kind of/not really Nazi book.

If the continuation ever comes into the library, then I will be definitely reading it too.

And bonus – Dan Vyleta wrote the book in the town I live in! I don’t think he still lives here though.

Rating: 4/5

Previous Readings Around the World.

Reading Around the World – Columbia

I got behind on these – especially considering I read this book in July.

Columbia: Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez

Thoughts: I like Gabriel García Márquez and in some ways I liked this book better than One Hundred Years of Solitude – it definitely was more, the word I am stuck on is precise although I cannot exactly figure out how I mean precise to apply. I miss these flowing, labyrinth tales that I am finding less and less in books written in English where I keep reading books based on stylistic techniques or tricky endings or the author proving cleverness over the reader. This is just a simple story of two people falling in love, which of course is not simple and careens off into a thousand different directions, and maybe there’s magical realism or maybe it’s just a story of what happens and that’s fine with me.

Rating: 4/5

Previous Readings Around the World.

how much of the time can I please everyone?

New mentor’s advice contradicts old mentor’s advice. I do like new mentor’s advice better so I’m not really complaining per se but I’m wondering about that thing in Burroway probably that if someone is giving advice, you don’t have to follow the advice, but you have to admit that there is something in your story that isn’t working.

And there is a lot in my story that isn’t working but I knew that even before I started this course. That is actually why I started this course: to help make some of the problems go away by having impartial eyes upon it.

I also just wish that Come From Away would go away.

And I keep typing LaTeX markup rather than HTML in this post so clearly I need to be doing something else right now.

odds and ends

This and that has been happening. Tesfa had a five day weekend because her school has a lot of long weekends. She spent her days off back at Montessori and I had some more time to work, which I spent typing because typing is what I do. But, then, after typing, I don’t feel much like coming here to type, so things have happened that I haven’t much commented on and now I’ll do it in one, large, glurggy, list.

  1. Typed more of my faerie story. Changed the mechanics again, but this is why I am typing it up. I can’t remember all the mechanics I’ve used so far in my notebook and typing is supposed to be helping me weave together all the threads. Instead, I see plot holes that need fixing. Maybe I’ll fix them by magic again.
  2. My writing mentor for my course is incapacitated. So I got a new writing mentor. There is no onomatopoeia that really fits here – but picture me making the sound of grinding my teeth. Things happen. Only one month in. Not that much work lost. Still, me grinding my teeth.
  3. I learned about the word saudade, which is a good word for my time-travelling story about loops that I haven’t written or really thought about yet.
  4. Everyone’s first novel is a failure. So I keep telling myself about Come From Away. It’s okay. It’ll make my faerie story all the better
  5. I got a rejection (We were intrigued by your writing, but didn’t feel that this particular submission was a good fit for the next issue). Did my sulk. Then sent in another story to another journal (The Antigonish Review – they will publish something of mine someday!) Then (more onomatopoeia sound of happiness or joy or something) got an email about being a finalist in short story contest. I don’t know if I’m allowed to link to the contest or the journal before the results are announced, so I won’t, but check back in a few days because they’re supposed to give me the results soon and then you can find out if I won or if I am a finalist and either way, they are publishing a story of mine, so stay tuned.

and now I speak in rhyme (not really)

Tesfa and I have been reading poetry lately. A lot of poetry. There are the poems in Winnie-the-Pooh, plus we’ve read a few of the stand-alone poems (although my copy of Now We Are Six has vanished and my mother-in-law had to send me her copy because of I had a colossal freak-out on facebook about how I tore the entire house apart and the book is missing. As far as I can tell, I may have returned it to the library even though it was not a library book). We’ve gone through Alligator Pie. Two Shel Silverstein collections (Where the Sidewalk Ends and A Light In the Attic). I am running out of poem books. Do people still write books that are sixty pages full of kids poems? I search the internet and the first books listed are the ones I have here.

Tesfa, in her room at night, stands on her bed making rhymes in iambic pentameter.

I forgot – I have a book of Kafka in rhyme rewritten for children. I can traumatize Tesfa with that tonight.

what I really really want

Sunshine. Not the New Brunswick pale sunshine that is cold in the wind from the marsh, but sunshine from places where they paint their houses white. Waiting at the bus stop in Italy with the tiny strip of shade from the thin overhangs and having to squint to see then having the squinting feel tired and yawning like those dreams where you can’t open your eyes enough to do what you have to do.

That is what I want: to be in sun so bright that squinting tires me out.

Happy Thanksgiving.