I’m thinking about that.
I’m taking my reading-month early. I started two days ago. Basically a month where I don’t write and it is usually January. Usually I fail and by January 12th, I am scraping the ideas out of my brain in heavy chunks, writing as fast as my fingers will let me.
But I don’t know if it’s going to be like that this time.
I just changed the title. It used to say What should I write? Now it is changed to should.
I mean, obviously, of course I should. But writing isn’t bringing me the relief it did for a while. Lately it feels untenable. I feel like I’m getting to be a better writer as the market for writing like mine shrinks and shrinks and shrinks. The nice rejections I get (some of the strongest writing we’ve seen) get tempered with the smack of reality (but, unfortunately, such writing doesn’t sell).
I can’t give up writing. But I don’t know if I can keep it as my focus when I don’t think I am getting out of it all that I put into it. It’s a drain right now. Maybe I’m coming to the harsh realization that no matter how much I love novels, I don’t know how to write one. Maybe I’m coming to the realization that being thirty-five and unsuccessful at all the jobs I’ve tried so far means I need to get serious about life. Maybe it’s just the fact that it was dark at four-forty-five today. Maybe The Mindy Project was just too sad this week and my mind too suggestible and now I am sad and wondering and thinking that maybe I made a mistake simply because Mindy Lahiri is thinking that.
What will this month bring? Tesfa, who loves jokes right now, would say Christmas! So this month will bring Christmas. And probably a bunch of book reviews as I try to catch up on some ARCs.