I cannot be looking at this any longer: a faerie story update

The last twenty-or-so pages I’ve been editing, I simply cannot cannot cannot look at them anymore. Normally, when I talk about clawing my eyes out, it is because I have a migraine and I feel that clawing my eyes out would not only be a distraction, but less painful. But I want to claw my eyes out rather than keep reading these same twenty-four pages.

I remember when I loved my faerie story, but now I’m like the Belle and Sebastian song and I don’t love anyone.

So the next section is here. It starts on 98 in the file. I also redid the chapter numbering but that affects no one really.

Limited time, as always, the Ship of Theseus that my faerie story has become: yoink! I’ll post the next bit in a little while, so if you missed this part, you’re going to have to wait until then.

Review of The Origins of Everything in 100 Pages (More or Less) by David Bercovici

Way back in my last year of high school, when I had to choose what programs to apply to at which universities, I considered studying geology for about eighteen seconds until I realized, looking at the courses I would have to take to get a degree, that I have absolutely zero interest in rocks and rock accessories. Like zero. Maybe even less than zero.

And there’s a lot of rock-talk in The Origins of Everything in 100 Pages (More or Less), which is good to get me reading outside my comfort zone. Plate tectonics and astro-geology formation of planets and the like. But every page, my eyes glazed over. Every single page I had to tell myself to focus and not go off and play Tiny Tower. I don’t know whether it was my aforementioned disinterest in geology or that the writing style, while sort of chummy, is also a bit dry, or that maybe, with my background in science (a non-geological science, but a science none-the-less), reading a pop-science book just doesn’t cut it for me anymore, but almost none of the information from this book penetrated my brain. I’d like to imagine that, in an amorphous, don’t-ask-me-to-describe-the-details sort of way, I now have a better idea of planetary formation after the big bang all the way to appearance of Homo Sapiens; maybe holistically I am more well-informed after reading The Origins of Everything in 100 Pages (More or Less). Or maybe not. It’s so frustrating to read a book and have all its ideas float away like smoke.

In short, I still only abstractly think of geology as interesting. When I have to actually learn about it, it’s all Charlie Brown teacher noises inside my head.

And The Origins of Everything in 100 Pages (More or Less) is not 100 pages. My copy is 137 (including unnumbered and small roman numeraled ones) or 124 numbered ones, so somewhere between 124% and 137% of the suggested 100 page length. Man, scientists sure are wishy-washy when it comes to precision with numbers đŸ˜‰

The Origins of Everything in 100 Pages (More or Less) by David Bercovici went on sale November 22, 2016.

I received a copy free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Review of Avalanche by Julia Leigh

If a novella is a short novel, what’s a short memoir called: a memella? Sure. Let’s go with that.

I read Avalanche, a memella by Julia Leigh about her attempts to fall pregnant and have a child. It’s an odd piece of writing, veering unevenly from emotion to clinicality (I’m just going to be making up all the words today), sometimes with nary a word between the shifts. A good first third details her marriage, which falls apart, and whose relevance to the rest of the tale could be shrunk to a single sentence (After we divorced and my ex-husband no longer wanted me to use his frozen sperm …), which would eliminate the aren’t-we-so-in-love-more-than-you-could-ever-be bits that read like two seventeen year olds lecturing their elders about how incandescent their love is. Oh, how easy it is to be in love at the start. Then you divorce and your ex-husband rescinds his frozen sperm and what are you to do then? You try with donors and write a memella about the process.

Wanting a child hurts. You could tell that. Leigh’s yearning came through in the writing. Maybe it helped her to write it. It has the feeling of being personal, intimate, without artifice or performance for an audience. Leigh wrote it, she shared it, but it doesn’t seem like she wrote it for the purpose of sharing, like for click-bait or to emotionally blackmail readers. She wrote it and put it out to the world, like a parent has a child and puts her out to the world. Avalanche isn’t a child, but maybe it can be like the shadow of a child for Leigh. Not really shadow but like a hazy, dream image just before waking, from a daytime nap suspicion of a child. Those dreams where you find a secret door in your house and when you wake, for just a second, you think maybe there is a door there before realizing no, there isn’t. There’s no door. Like that, but for a child.

This memella uses the word childling more than once. I appreciate the use of this word probably more than I appreciate the memella. But I do appreciate giving literary space to women‘s issues. Flipping what’s often said: I read the book I want to (at least spiritually) write.

Avalanche by Julia Leigh went on sale October 6, 2016.

I received a copy free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Review of C21st Gods #1 by David Tallerman and Anthony Summey

I keep requesting comics from Netgalley. Don’t know why since I’m pretty ambivalent towards comics. This comic is based on a Lovecraft story. Not a huge fan of Lovecraft (mainly because I can’t get past the racism). So why C21st Gods #1? Because I like reading horror and comics are quick reads and I crossed my fingers that Tallerman and Summey would leave out Lovecraft’s racist undertones (there’s a WOC background character in the comic, which is an improvement from Lovecraft’s belief that Of the complete biological inferiority of the negro there can be no question. Still, I feel icky about the source material and a background POC character of two is hardly going to fix that.)

So, twenty-four pages in a retelling of The Call of Cthulhu. Basically, twenty-four pages that reads like those movie previews that are disjoint images flashed on the screen separated by a few seconds of darkness meant to make you think Wow, what a moody dark film this is going to be but instead just gives me a headache. A few shots of gore. A gloomy house. A run down precinct. People humping a statue. There you go — that’s pretty much the twenty-four pages right there.

Probably good for fans of Lovecraft. Meh for me.

C21st Gods #1 by David Tallerman and Anthony Summey went on sale November 9, 2016.

I received a copy free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Review of Rendez-vous in Phoenix by Tony Sandoval

I find comics hard to review. I know they can have depth and I know they can be meaningful, but so many of them I read and can only think of them as slight. So, does Rendez-vous in Phoenix have a bit more heft than others? I suppose I could be convinced, but if I need to be convinced of the merit, doesn’t that say something as well?

I think my problem is two-fold:

  1. I either get distracted by the pictures or I ignore them entirely, missing out on that entire aspect of the medium; and
  2. to get any internal character depth, it ends up like voice over and pretty much the only thing I remember from Adaptation is voice over = lazy. And really, I like character depth more than anything else in fiction.

Everyone has a right to tell their story, ergo Sandoval has every right to write about his attempts to cross the Mexican-American border illegally in the nineties. Everyone has a right to use whatever medium they want to tell their stories, ergo, again, Sandoval can choose comics. But comics as a medium to tell deep stories — I know Maus managed it somehow; but whatever Maus had, that unknowingable, intangible whatever isn’t there in Rendez-vous in Phoenix.

It’s not bad, Rendez-vous in Phoenix. I feel super dismissive saying it’s just a comic when I don’t want that to be dismissive at all. But it is just what it is. And that’s fine, but it’s hardly transcendent.

Rendez-vous in Phoenix by Tony Sandoval went on sale November 8, 2016.

I received a copy free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

October 2016

I read:

Thoughts:

The Origins of Everything in 100 Pages (More or Less) by David Bercovici: Review to come closer to publication date.

The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer: I was really enjoying it, wondering why it didn’t get the same buzz as The Goldfinch, since they are thematically similar, but then I noticed I was taking forever to read it, and thus realized that maybe I wasn’t really enjoying it that much after all. Plus it just ends. Plus rape, see comment below.

The Complete Masters of the Poster: Reviewed earlier this month.

The North Water by Ian McGuire: I’m tired of rape in fiction as shorthand for bad guy/vulnerable victim. I am on fictional-rape-overload. It’s unnecessarily lurid and whatever happened to eating kittens as a way to show the reader the person in question is monstrous? I want some kitten-eating villains. I don’t want rape to be used as plot points. Rape is not something that should be cheapened in that way.

Rendez-vous in Phoenix by Tony Sandoval: Full review coming closer to the publication date.

The Complete Bone by Jeff Smith: It was all right. I don’t understand the overwhelming love for it, but I think that might just be with my not-loving-graphic-novels-feelings as much as other people. It would have been nice if the main character had fallen in love with the girl after getting to know her, rather than knee-jerk she’s so pretty –> now I’m in love. Imagine actually writing women as real characters before the shapeless blobs of male protagonists decide they want her — oh, how fun that would be.

All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque: I really struggled until the hospital part. I feel horrible that a book on the horrors of war bored me a little. I try to justify it that at the time, a book about the sheer misery of war was more groundbreaking than now, as there’s a whole lexicon of horror-of-war books, but that doesn’t change that something inside me just couldn’t connect and I feel awful about that.

Who Cooked Adam Smith’s Dinner? by Katrine Marçal: An article writ long. Many fragments. Of sentences. Included therein. Muddled thesis and forgettable when I had hoped it would be great. Need to stop being excited to read books. Always a disappointment. Was going to be present for my father for Christmas. No more.

Marçal did have fantastic red lipstick in author photo. For book purportedly about feminism, sad that what I remember most is awesome makeup. (But the feminism in the book is pretty subtle anyway and not as overt as I wanted.)

Whale Rider by Witi Ihimaera: *Looks all around to make sure no one is watching*

Shhhhh. I liked the movie better.

Better Living Through Plastic Explosives by Zsuzsi Gartner: Like taking a toddler and putting it in book format: dizzyingly high but at the same time, so exhausting. The book wore my brain out.



Favourite book:

My proto-friend wrote it. She signed it for me, but spelled my name wrong and I was too timid to correct her. That has nothing to do, however, with the poems inside, which are nice in a sunny, calm day sort of way. People don’t like the word nice. I had a high school English teacher ban the word, but some things are just nice and that’s the word I want to use and I mean it in as nice a way as possible. If you don’t like nice then replace it with genuine I suppose.



Most promising book on my wishlist:

Since I only put one book on my wishlist in October, it’s pretty much a given what it’s going to be.



I watched:

Thoughts:

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Even since Danny turned out to be a jerk and Mindy had to break-up with him (I can’t even watch The Mindy Project anymore since my heart hurts too much), this is my new TV obsession.



I wrote:

FAERIES! I think I’ve gotten over my five-page hump. I also changed the chapter breaks to do busy work on one of the days I didn’t want to do any work at all.

these five pages are going to be the death of me

Five pages of my faerie story. I read you again and again and again and again. I give you space and then come back to you. I labour over you for hours. I erase you all and start from scratch. I fiddle and tinker slightly with your words and punctuation marks and spend hours on thesaurus.com. To what avail? I fear you have defeated me, opening pages of Chapter Five. If I quit my faerie story, it will be because of you.

I want to write a novel but I fear I don’t know how.