I am trying to be good; as soon as something is rejected, I send it out again.

But oh my goodness, do I ever want to quit. But if I stop writing, then what? What do I do with all the noise in my head? No one has even been very clear with me about how to keep the noise at bay.

Look, I just can’t submit to any more journals that need me to pay some fee to do so. Or contests with $25 fees. I made $25 last year from writing, and the suggestion, with this $25 I earned, was that maybe I would like to donate it back to the magazine in question.

I am trying to write again. And today, I’m going through and submitting everything that hasn’t been submitted in a while. But, refusing to pay $3 here or $4 there or $25/$35/$50 contest submission fees really shrinks the possibilities. Plus the paper-only ones, like I want to buy an envelope, pay for postage, pay for return envelope stamp, only to have them email me their rejection because while I am forced to go old school, they are allowed not to?

I am sad and I am angry and I am not making a sustainable wage, so sorry all you journals/websites/etc., I can’t subsidize you any more.